InSearchForAReasons

After i got my ridiculous FYP done and over with. I have a impossible proposal from my uncle to take care of. Then i can go fking full time on my guitar and my Cooking lessons to capture a girl's Wounded heart...like thats gonna work. Hahas!!! hopefully able to finish the books i bought and hopefully gaining something Inspiring out from it. AND!!!!! hope!!!! i could actually get back into swimming and running!!! Got to burn those fking fats man. Fuck society for the importance of First Sight!!!

Bond between people is fascinating, I have wonderful bonds people around me.

I'm trying to achieve Simplicity in my life, you might not know it but being Simple is much harder then being complicated

Trying to be cool with everything happening around me. *By Cool i mean Being okay with it* Putting up a strong front but deep down it hurts like fuck. How could someone comprehend such actions? How could i explain why people do this? Would taking a step backwards heal everything? Would things get better just by ignoring it and doing nothing? Weird how life revolves around us, things we just couldn't understand. Searching for truth is never easy might even be impossible but i'm sticking to it because that is what i lived for.

The Truth

I'm seeking peace in both mind and body. Giving everything i have just for that peace.
How am i going to tackle life toughest decisions? Why am i always given tough decisions? Is this a test for me? will i seek what i'm seeking after going through this life test? I always believe everyone paths their own life, the choices you made, defines you. I really hope the choices i'm making now will allow me to be what i want.
All i could do is be there when you need, you seek happiness and thats what i'm giving. Bit by bit

Making a change for myself, realizing what has to be done to keep the people around me.
A control freak comes hand in hand with a serious lifestyle. Got to change that for a peaceful life, i cant puppet the people around me...that a fact. That what i tried to do, coming to realize that just awful. Got to make this change or else i'll slowly lose the people i care about. I realize in my life, there's no one out there to control what i do. Call me weird or dumb but i really want to feel how it's like to have someone to control what i do. Its like there's no one out there that cares what i do.

Sometimes no matter how much we wants to help by doing something, actually the best help is by doing nothing

I've reached a higher heights in life, i'm about to take a big leap into a new world.
I'm MOTHERFUCKING Sexcited whats to come!!!! i'm Fking Excited!!!! So many things i wanna learn!!! i wanna master My Guitar i wanna be a bartender i wanna poke fun of guys whom havent enter Ns!!! I'm a man now!!!!

A huge load of stress has been lifted off my shoulders, i truly realize the feeling of losing someone and getting them back, holding on it tighter then before. Losing someone you care about is painful..getting them back feels awesome, the feeling is indescribable the smile on your face means so much things. You just cant stop smiling.
The feeling of peaceful? Past Week has been a meaningful period of life for me, i was bombard with heavy loads of stresses. Now its seems it's getting better already, i'm able to get someone very close to me back. I'm making progress in my school work. All thats left is someone i care about.

I lost someone i hold dearly, she meant the whole world to me. I cant think of a day i didn't thought of her. I'm trying hard to make things right....back the way it was?? Nope, i do not want to be like the past. I want to start anew a new relationship with you. I blame myself for alot of things that happen...i asked myself isit always my fault? I blamed myself for things i couldn't understand. I really wish all the insecure all the disappointment all the sadness all the hatred all the misunderstand would just go away. When would i truly understand you? When would you allow me? Now...all i could do is wait.

Keeping Composure, got to calm myself down
Focus on whats at hand, deal with it when the day comes

I regretted not stopping you, if not all these would never happen

I know it's selfish of me to only ask help when i need it. Please Don't take her away from me now, i still have so many things i want to do with her. I want her to be there in my life, i want her to be there when i get married and i want her to see my first child. So please Not now please not now...when i see her my heart just drop, it's so painful to see. I'm feeling so helpless.....

How u know He/She the right person

My Experiences

He/She

Makes you sad
Makes you happy
Makes you laugh
Makes you angry
Makes you jealous
Makes you cry
Makes you worried
Makes you feel Complete
You want them to feel safe with you around
You want them to say " I trust you "
You hate yourself the most if you knew you did something wrong to them
Makes you think everything would be better as long as they are around
Last person you think of before you sleep
First person you think of when you wake up
Love songs just seems much much more meaningful
You start doing things you cant explain
Their life prioritize before yours
You start to do all sorts of things just to bring back that smile on their face
You want them to notice you first before others
You want them to share their sorrows with you
You want them to share their joy with you
You want them to share their food with you
You want to share your food with them
Telling yourself if you could just hold their hand you'll be the happiest person in the universe

There are so many more, these are just the few I've experienced
You have all these feelings because of One reason... You Cared

I wonder how does my grandma feels? Did she thought of grandpa everyday? Did she get a flashback of the first time knowing him till the day he passed on. My grandma would miss him most. Wonder how my grandma manage to keep that smile, she's a strong woman, I wanna be like her. The feeling of losing a loved one must be too painful to comprehend.

There's nothing else i can do ... how it all ends depends on you now. Knowing there's nothing i could do to help the situation but i feel something must be done. Feeling helpless, there's nothing i could do. Knowing the true meaning of " giving and taking ", this time i'm taking. If there's nothing done, i have a strong feeling of giving it all up.

Taking a test on life,
Question 1 How important do you cherish the people around you? Whats your answer?
Question 2 Have you ever place yourself in their shoes? Whats your answer?
Question 3 Are you willing to put down everything to fix things right?

This is not about taking initiative any longer, it's about what must be done not by someone else but you.

Occupying myself with my music, back to my guitar. I hope my guitar could help me through this time of life.

What Tom will tell himself,

What are you trying to pull? You think it's fun playing with people's feelings? You think you're the only one suffering? You doesn't appreciate what i have done. Why would i go running towards a dead end since i knew it long ago. I'll just have to find someone else whom appreciate and takes everything i says seriously. This shows i still have a life to live for i'm not gonna let you pull me back. This doesn't make me the bad guy this just shows i'm moving forward.

This is what Tom will tell himself

People never stop judging and assuming. Do u want to be the people or do u want to be yourself.

I've once let my impulsion get a hold of me...Why people always think i didn't did my best? Why? The Perfect Place....the spot where i could see the moon and the stars. I would like to bring you there someday. Words cant explain how painful my heart feels , you're so close and yet so far. He said it's not wrong to express your feelings, but why every time i express it someone gets hurt. What truth is there to it? I'm tired of living.....

Running and stopping for the girl you loved

This story was told to me by someone inspiring, he told me this story when i was at the lowest point of my life. Here goes....

IF SHE IS

Chasing after the girl of your dreams the girl you loved, how long could you chase? How long could you keep at your pace? There will be a point where you'll get tired get depressed. That will be your green light to stop chasing and think. Is this girl worth it? If she is.....

Try chasing the moon, will you ever reach it? That depends on how much you'll willing to put in, so when you grow tired and stop chasing. Look up in the night sky tomorrow what did you see? It's the moon...What does it means? As long as you're willing to keep chasing for that girl you loved...and sadness came to haunt you. Don't give up, she'll still be there the next day. The moon will never run away, is you that whose running away from the moon.

IF SHE'S NOT

Chasing after the girl of your dreams the girl you loved, how long could you chase? How long could you keep at your pace? There will be a point where you'll get tired get depressed. That will be your green light to stop chasing and think. Is this girl worth it? If she's not.....

The girl is the moon..she shines the brightest and she's the biggest in the night sky. With her brightness you're blinded by something smaller and something as bright just that it's further away. The star is something you're looking for. The moon will never treats you better then that burning star. So give up on that moon and look for the burning star which Loves you more then you could imagine. Yes it's hard to search for that burning star in the vast sky, don't give up hope because once you found the burning star., you'll be glad you gave up on the moon and found that burning star which Shines Brighter and Much bigger in the vast night sky.

Going Back to the corner
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard,
got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl
can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money,
they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
but what else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

I'm going to give my time away for a greater cause. I'm going through a tough time and time is the best first aid for heart wounds. I'm going to volunteer myself to a school for the special. I want to change, I want to bring back that smile, I want to see life in a different way. I hope I'll bring back their smile and in return they'll bring back mine

It takes greater courage to get up when down

Realizing my weakness and have it change into my strength

I have to change a mindset inside of me, i've always told myself to only change for myself. I am wrong, It's take a much greater reason and realization that someday you'll have yourself change for the better for someone else.

I want to show people around me what i can do
I want you to realize i'm no longer the old me
I want you to realize there's something new awaiting
I want to be someone u can Trust
I want to be stronger for you

Accepting my failures

All the failures i had in the past came to haunt me, i wonder what have i done in the past by myself which i'm proud of? Truth is in my 3 years of studies in poly my exams wasn't achieved by myself, i had help from friends around me. In just a short month i'm ending my poly years, i have to go through 2 years of wasted national service. What scares me is the years after that, i have to venture into a world which i'm not familiar with. Meeting a whole new level of people, trying to cope to their paces. Right now i'm really keen and interested to apply myself to a bar tending school. What i'm afraid of is my abilities to achieved results. Am i able to do it? Okay! I know the " Won't die trying Rule ". Problem lies within myself, i'm pulled down by doubts of my own abilities. Call me weak call me anything.

Facts is i'm thinking right now about my future.
Thinking whats best for me
Thinking with my two bare hands what i can provide to society and the people around me
Thinking improvements to be made about myself
Thinking of changing myself for the better

Best i'll try
Strive i'll try
For the life i once lived in
For the life i prepared to live

The time where i could forget everything and just keep on going straight

Two things, Riding my Bike and swimming, well riding is out of the question since I care about everyone around me and i never want to lose them. I'm once back to my older days where i swim just to tire myself so i could forget about my unhappiness, my stresses, my day. Why the reasons still remains the same? Every lap i swam, memories just floats away. All i could think is just keep on going straight. Every time i'm unhappy i'll blog it, it's seems i'm a pretty unhappy person all day round.

I'm hurting right now, i've stop asking myself " why " because i could never find the answer. The answer is not with me, the answer is with you. I'm caught in the middle of my promise with you and my desires to be with you. I'm living such a tough life, FML? Fuck my life? Why would i always use FML? Is my life really that fucked up?
Or isit i'm the period of life where i starting to feel the pressure of adult hood?
Or i'm in the period of life where i started to think of my future?
Or i'm in the period of life where i wish u were in it?

I'm devastated

i feel somethings missing inside of me. i want to fill that gap with something special i could hold onto forever

Do you give yourself a break, stop and think of what have u done for the past years.

How Sensitive are you to the people around you? Able to sense the mood and emotions from the people around you, are emotions detectable? Are you be able to feel and do something about it? I once asked myself how influential am i, now i think it's all depends. People whom care would notice. People whom doesn't couldn't care less. There will be people whom ask just for sake of asking, don't ask why, i've no idea why i do it sometimes. Some people ask because they do care. People whom care even more, are willing to do something about it. Do u have someone in your life u would care for and want to do something whenever there's something wrong with him/her? Or there's someone in life you would want him/her to care for you and wanting them to do something for you when u feel down? Well......i Do

My Respect for females grew to a whole new level....
I've watched this Singapore movie " We are not naughty ". I was in awe of the part when the women was giving birth. The process strikes me, the pain they have to go through during labor is just unimaginable for any guys. Found a new Respect for them. So guys go to your mom, give her a hug and say u love her. For guys planning to get married, treat your partners better, they earned it. And for all MCP guys get a grip and respect females.

To all Moms and Moms-soon-to-be *SALUTE*

Things u left behind unattended will be lost, why is it not happening to me?
i thought i left it behind where it should be, i kept my promise, now i'm breaking it.

Big Smile, Small Smile still a smile

Keeping myself real, keeping everyone around me. Experiencing different roles in a clique, what role is yours? some do the talking, some do the listening, some do the crazy stuff, some does the jokes, some gets joke about. Notice your role and enjoy it, memories like this never comes twice. Keeping optimistic is not easy, it's never easy.

So what if you're are there
so what?

That Barrier, Break that Barrier, Smash that Barrier...i'll tear it down with my own bare hands.

Music works wonders, the right song at the right time. I just love it when it happens.

i'm having a screwed up day!!! damn i cant understand shit. Fuck u PopeyeMotherfuckingfreak!!! u need a pair of sunglasses to hide that hideous eyes of yours. _|_ ( -.- ) _|_, screw yourself with a pencil A-hole.

Inspired by this song of YOUNG & WILD & FREE, sometimes i just feel i'm missing out alot!!! being mindful of what people think. Being young we should just fuck those thought and do what we suppose to do!!!! BEING WILD AND FREE!!!!!
We are at a generation of HECKCARE.

But then a Promise is a Promise, i don't break my Promise.
I'm a man of my words.
I don't break Promises
If there's a once, there will always be a second
So dun temp me, i wont fall for temptation
I'M NOT WEAK!!!

i'm going prove u wrong.

I hate this part of myself, i'll only start working hard when someone tell me to my face that i'm useless. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE LOOKING DOWN ON ME!!!!!!
DANG IT FUCK IT CHAO CHEE BAI

Fuck this i'm so gonna prove you wrong, whatever it takes i'm gonna prove u wrong.

Ditch the breaks ditch the music ditch everything!!!!!!
I'm FUCKING GONNA PROVE U DAMN WRONG
I'M GONNA DO THIS FOR MY FUCKING SELF.

I was asked "what makes a guy fool around"?

I could not answer that question, i do not have an answer.

If i were to give a wild guess, here's my opinion

Here is some facts maybe u girls do not know,

All Guys are perverts believe me on this, i'm a guy i know
99% of guys masturbate at least once in their life
60% of guys have to masturbate at least once every few months
45% guys masturbate everyday

Don't be going Disgusted, girls are the same. i don't mean by percentage, but it's proven that girls too are just as horny as guys. So what makes guys seen just much hornier. It's just that guys are okay with telling their friends what they did, girls do not. Girls keeps it to themselves. So next time if u hear it from your guys friends that they masturbate dun Go Eeeee~~~. Come on behind that closed door of yours, u might be going Wild too.

Back to the topic so why guys fool around?

I'll say it's society at fault,
I'm saying is, it's their friends, their environment that made them who they are. If you're a person whom get influence easily, you'll blend into your surroundings. Same thing, if your environments is full of guys that fools around you'll think it's okay to fool around too, since your friends are doing it too. I'm not saying all guys are easily influenced, how about those people whom have strong beliefs and people whom stand their ground in what they believe. They will be the one making the change, the ones that influence others.

Another point to be made, the importance of Sex. Youths in our generation have taken sex to a whole new level, right now pornography could be access by any age with just a click. With curiosity how can anyone not seen pornography before? Once seen you would want to try it right? There comes the crave for their first time having sex.
Sex is like a drug, once u tried you would think it's okay for the second time. Without proper idea what sex is, u will get hooked and it's gameover! Right NOW many youths just Gamed over.

I told my mom this,


ken: When i get married i don't want a Fancy Diamond ring i wanna get a tattooed ring

Mom: WHY?!!! U crazy?

Ken: Whats wrong with getting a tattooed ring?

Mom: Everything!!! what would the girl's family say about it!!! that you're not capable of putting a ring on her hand

Ken: But if i get it tattooed ring, i know our rings will always be on our fingers, Even after death our rings will still be there. Even gravediggers dig up my bodies they cant steal my love for her.

Mom: What if your marriage didn't work out?

Ken: I'll know there was once a girl i loved so much i'm willing to die for, and that tattooed ring will be the prove of it

Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached, he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached, the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he came up to the person, he said: "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said: "It sure made a difference to that one!"

What happens during these 26 nights that was never planned?

So whats with my craze about girls with tattoos? when a girl has a tattoo it just occurs to me that she's damn hot!!! I believe there's a reason for every tattoo. so what would be the reason for my first tattoo? Would i even get the chance to get one?

The first reason for my first tattoo. There's many ideas i have for my tattoos, i'm afraid of regretting it. So i guess i have to find the perfect tattoo for the perfect place. Where's the perfect place and perfect tattoo? i've seen many tattoos i loved.

tattoos to me is a form of Respect and believe

First tattoo i would like to dedicate it to my parents

Second tattoo i would like to dedicate to the love of my life

Third tattoo would to my Brothers...i truly believe the 5 of us will be brothers for life, i want u guys to know that I really hope there's something we could remember by. I remembered the time when we actually plan a logo for ourselves, i was actually quite serious about it. Now we came out of an idea to open a pub together, i was also serious about it. I wonder are u guys serious about it too?

Stand my ground, Nail my beliefs