InSearchForAReasons

After i got my ridiculous FYP done and over with. I have a impossible proposal from my uncle to take care of. Then i can go fking full time on my guitar and my Cooking lessons to capture a girl's Wounded heart...like thats gonna work. Hahas!!! hopefully able to finish the books i bought and hopefully gaining something Inspiring out from it. AND!!!!! hope!!!! i could actually get back into swimming and running!!! Got to burn those fking fats man. Fuck society for the importance of First Sight!!!

Bond between people is fascinating, I have wonderful bonds people around me.

I'm trying to achieve Simplicity in my life, you might not know it but being Simple is much harder then being complicated

Trying to be cool with everything happening around me. *By Cool i mean Being okay with it* Putting up a strong front but deep down it hurts like fuck. How could someone comprehend such actions? How could i explain why people do this? Would taking a step backwards heal everything? Would things get better just by ignoring it and doing nothing? Weird how life revolves around us, things we just couldn't understand. Searching for truth is never easy might even be impossible but i'm sticking to it because that is what i lived for.

The Truth

I'm seeking peace in both mind and body. Giving everything i have just for that peace.
How am i going to tackle life toughest decisions? Why am i always given tough decisions? Is this a test for me? will i seek what i'm seeking after going through this life test? I always believe everyone paths their own life, the choices you made, defines you. I really hope the choices i'm making now will allow me to be what i want.
All i could do is be there when you need, you seek happiness and thats what i'm giving. Bit by bit

Making a change for myself, realizing what has to be done to keep the people around me.
A control freak comes hand in hand with a serious lifestyle. Got to change that for a peaceful life, i cant puppet the people around me...that a fact. That what i tried to do, coming to realize that just awful. Got to make this change or else i'll slowly lose the people i care about. I realize in my life, there's no one out there to control what i do. Call me weird or dumb but i really want to feel how it's like to have someone to control what i do. Its like there's no one out there that cares what i do.

Sometimes no matter how much we wants to help by doing something, actually the best help is by doing nothing

I've reached a higher heights in life, i'm about to take a big leap into a new world.
I'm MOTHERFUCKING Sexcited whats to come!!!! i'm Fking Excited!!!! So many things i wanna learn!!! i wanna master My Guitar i wanna be a bartender i wanna poke fun of guys whom havent enter Ns!!! I'm a man now!!!!

A huge load of stress has been lifted off my shoulders, i truly realize the feeling of losing someone and getting them back, holding on it tighter then before. Losing someone you care about is painful..getting them back feels awesome, the feeling is indescribable the smile on your face means so much things. You just cant stop smiling.
The feeling of peaceful? Past Week has been a meaningful period of life for me, i was bombard with heavy loads of stresses. Now its seems it's getting better already, i'm able to get someone very close to me back. I'm making progress in my school work. All thats left is someone i care about.

I lost someone i hold dearly, she meant the whole world to me. I cant think of a day i didn't thought of her. I'm trying hard to make things right....back the way it was?? Nope, i do not want to be like the past. I want to start anew a new relationship with you. I blame myself for alot of things that happen...i asked myself isit always my fault? I blamed myself for things i couldn't understand. I really wish all the insecure all the disappointment all the sadness all the hatred all the misunderstand would just go away. When would i truly understand you? When would you allow me? Now...all i could do is wait.

Keeping Composure, got to calm myself down
Focus on whats at hand, deal with it when the day comes

I regretted not stopping you, if not all these would never happen

I know it's selfish of me to only ask help when i need it. Please Don't take her away from me now, i still have so many things i want to do with her. I want her to be there in my life, i want her to be there when i get married and i want her to see my first child. So please Not now please not now...when i see her my heart just drop, it's so painful to see. I'm feeling so helpless.....

How u know He/She the right person

My Experiences

He/She

Makes you sad
Makes you happy
Makes you laugh
Makes you angry
Makes you jealous
Makes you cry
Makes you worried
Makes you feel Complete
You want them to feel safe with you around
You want them to say " I trust you "
You hate yourself the most if you knew you did something wrong to them
Makes you think everything would be better as long as they are around
Last person you think of before you sleep
First person you think of when you wake up
Love songs just seems much much more meaningful
You start doing things you cant explain
Their life prioritize before yours
You start to do all sorts of things just to bring back that smile on their face
You want them to notice you first before others
You want them to share their sorrows with you
You want them to share their joy with you
You want them to share their food with you
You want to share your food with them
Telling yourself if you could just hold their hand you'll be the happiest person in the universe

There are so many more, these are just the few I've experienced
You have all these feelings because of One reason... You Cared

I wonder how does my grandma feels? Did she thought of grandpa everyday? Did she get a flashback of the first time knowing him till the day he passed on. My grandma would miss him most. Wonder how my grandma manage to keep that smile, she's a strong woman, I wanna be like her. The feeling of losing a loved one must be too painful to comprehend.

There's nothing else i can do ... how it all ends depends on you now. Knowing there's nothing i could do to help the situation but i feel something must be done. Feeling helpless, there's nothing i could do. Knowing the true meaning of " giving and taking ", this time i'm taking. If there's nothing done, i have a strong feeling of giving it all up.

Taking a test on life,
Question 1 How important do you cherish the people around you? Whats your answer?
Question 2 Have you ever place yourself in their shoes? Whats your answer?
Question 3 Are you willing to put down everything to fix things right?

This is not about taking initiative any longer, it's about what must be done not by someone else but you.

Occupying myself with my music, back to my guitar. I hope my guitar could help me through this time of life.

What Tom will tell himself,

What are you trying to pull? You think it's fun playing with people's feelings? You think you're the only one suffering? You doesn't appreciate what i have done. Why would i go running towards a dead end since i knew it long ago. I'll just have to find someone else whom appreciate and takes everything i says seriously. This shows i still have a life to live for i'm not gonna let you pull me back. This doesn't make me the bad guy this just shows i'm moving forward.

This is what Tom will tell himself

People never stop judging and assuming. Do u want to be the people or do u want to be yourself.

I've once let my impulsion get a hold of me...Why people always think i didn't did my best? Why? The Perfect Place....the spot where i could see the moon and the stars. I would like to bring you there someday. Words cant explain how painful my heart feels , you're so close and yet so far. He said it's not wrong to express your feelings, but why every time i express it someone gets hurt. What truth is there to it? I'm tired of living.....

Running and stopping for the girl you loved

This story was told to me by someone inspiring, he told me this story when i was at the lowest point of my life. Here goes....

IF SHE IS

Chasing after the girl of your dreams the girl you loved, how long could you chase? How long could you keep at your pace? There will be a point where you'll get tired get depressed. That will be your green light to stop chasing and think. Is this girl worth it? If she is.....

Try chasing the moon, will you ever reach it? That depends on how much you'll willing to put in, so when you grow tired and stop chasing. Look up in the night sky tomorrow what did you see? It's the moon...What does it means? As long as you're willing to keep chasing for that girl you loved...and sadness came to haunt you. Don't give up, she'll still be there the next day. The moon will never run away, is you that whose running away from the moon.

IF SHE'S NOT

Chasing after the girl of your dreams the girl you loved, how long could you chase? How long could you keep at your pace? There will be a point where you'll get tired get depressed. That will be your green light to stop chasing and think. Is this girl worth it? If she's not.....

The girl is the moon..she shines the brightest and she's the biggest in the night sky. With her brightness you're blinded by something smaller and something as bright just that it's further away. The star is something you're looking for. The moon will never treats you better then that burning star. So give up on that moon and look for the burning star which Loves you more then you could imagine. Yes it's hard to search for that burning star in the vast sky, don't give up hope because once you found the burning star., you'll be glad you gave up on the moon and found that burning star which Shines Brighter and Much bigger in the vast night sky.

Going Back to the corner
where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag
I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard,
got your picture in my hand
saying, "if you see this girl
can you tell her where I am"

Some try to hand me money,
they don't understand
I'm not broke, I'm just
a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense
but what else can I do?
How can I move on
when I'm still in love with you?

Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
and your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

I'm going to give my time away for a greater cause. I'm going through a tough time and time is the best first aid for heart wounds. I'm going to volunteer myself to a school for the special. I want to change, I want to bring back that smile, I want to see life in a different way. I hope I'll bring back their smile and in return they'll bring back mine

It takes greater courage to get up when down

Realizing my weakness and have it change into my strength

I have to change a mindset inside of me, i've always told myself to only change for myself. I am wrong, It's take a much greater reason and realization that someday you'll have yourself change for the better for someone else.

I want to show people around me what i can do
I want you to realize i'm no longer the old me
I want you to realize there's something new awaiting
I want to be someone u can Trust
I want to be stronger for you