InSearchForAReasons

Accepting my failures

All the failures i had in the past came to haunt me, i wonder what have i done in the past by myself which i'm proud of? Truth is in my 3 years of studies in poly my exams wasn't achieved by myself, i had help from friends around me. In just a short month i'm ending my poly years, i have to go through 2 years of wasted national service. What scares me is the years after that, i have to venture into a world which i'm not familiar with. Meeting a whole new level of people, trying to cope to their paces. Right now i'm really keen and interested to apply myself to a bar tending school. What i'm afraid of is my abilities to achieved results. Am i able to do it? Okay! I know the " Won't die trying Rule ". Problem lies within myself, i'm pulled down by doubts of my own abilities. Call me weak call me anything.

Facts is i'm thinking right now about my future.
Thinking whats best for me
Thinking with my two bare hands what i can provide to society and the people around me
Thinking improvements to be made about myself
Thinking of changing myself for the better

Best i'll try
Strive i'll try
For the life i once lived in
For the life i prepared to live

The time where i could forget everything and just keep on going straight

Two things, Riding my Bike and swimming, well riding is out of the question since I care about everyone around me and i never want to lose them. I'm once back to my older days where i swim just to tire myself so i could forget about my unhappiness, my stresses, my day. Why the reasons still remains the same? Every lap i swam, memories just floats away. All i could think is just keep on going straight. Every time i'm unhappy i'll blog it, it's seems i'm a pretty unhappy person all day round.

I'm hurting right now, i've stop asking myself " why " because i could never find the answer. The answer is not with me, the answer is with you. I'm caught in the middle of my promise with you and my desires to be with you. I'm living such a tough life, FML? Fuck my life? Why would i always use FML? Is my life really that fucked up?
Or isit i'm the period of life where i starting to feel the pressure of adult hood?
Or i'm in the period of life where i started to think of my future?
Or i'm in the period of life where i wish u were in it?

I'm devastated

i feel somethings missing inside of me. i want to fill that gap with something special i could hold onto forever

Do you give yourself a break, stop and think of what have u done for the past years.

How Sensitive are you to the people around you? Able to sense the mood and emotions from the people around you, are emotions detectable? Are you be able to feel and do something about it? I once asked myself how influential am i, now i think it's all depends. People whom care would notice. People whom doesn't couldn't care less. There will be people whom ask just for sake of asking, don't ask why, i've no idea why i do it sometimes. Some people ask because they do care. People whom care even more, are willing to do something about it. Do u have someone in your life u would care for and want to do something whenever there's something wrong with him/her? Or there's someone in life you would want him/her to care for you and wanting them to do something for you when u feel down? Well......i Do

My Respect for females grew to a whole new level....
I've watched this Singapore movie " We are not naughty ". I was in awe of the part when the women was giving birth. The process strikes me, the pain they have to go through during labor is just unimaginable for any guys. Found a new Respect for them. So guys go to your mom, give her a hug and say u love her. For guys planning to get married, treat your partners better, they earned it. And for all MCP guys get a grip and respect females.

To all Moms and Moms-soon-to-be *SALUTE*

Things u left behind unattended will be lost, why is it not happening to me?
i thought i left it behind where it should be, i kept my promise, now i'm breaking it.

Big Smile, Small Smile still a smile

Keeping myself real, keeping everyone around me. Experiencing different roles in a clique, what role is yours? some do the talking, some do the listening, some do the crazy stuff, some does the jokes, some gets joke about. Notice your role and enjoy it, memories like this never comes twice. Keeping optimistic is not easy, it's never easy.

So what if you're are there
so what?

That Barrier, Break that Barrier, Smash that Barrier...i'll tear it down with my own bare hands.

Music works wonders, the right song at the right time. I just love it when it happens.

i'm having a screwed up day!!! damn i cant understand shit. Fuck u PopeyeMotherfuckingfreak!!! u need a pair of sunglasses to hide that hideous eyes of yours. _|_ ( -.- ) _|_, screw yourself with a pencil A-hole.

Inspired by this song of YOUNG & WILD & FREE, sometimes i just feel i'm missing out alot!!! being mindful of what people think. Being young we should just fuck those thought and do what we suppose to do!!!! BEING WILD AND FREE!!!!!
We are at a generation of HECKCARE.

But then a Promise is a Promise, i don't break my Promise.
I'm a man of my words.
I don't break Promises
If there's a once, there will always be a second
So dun temp me, i wont fall for temptation
I'M NOT WEAK!!!

i'm going prove u wrong.

I hate this part of myself, i'll only start working hard when someone tell me to my face that i'm useless. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE LOOKING DOWN ON ME!!!!!!
DANG IT FUCK IT CHAO CHEE BAI

Fuck this i'm so gonna prove you wrong, whatever it takes i'm gonna prove u wrong.

Ditch the breaks ditch the music ditch everything!!!!!!
I'm FUCKING GONNA PROVE U DAMN WRONG
I'M GONNA DO THIS FOR MY FUCKING SELF.

I was asked "what makes a guy fool around"?

I could not answer that question, i do not have an answer.

If i were to give a wild guess, here's my opinion

Here is some facts maybe u girls do not know,

All Guys are perverts believe me on this, i'm a guy i know
99% of guys masturbate at least once in their life
60% of guys have to masturbate at least once every few months
45% guys masturbate everyday

Don't be going Disgusted, girls are the same. i don't mean by percentage, but it's proven that girls too are just as horny as guys. So what makes guys seen just much hornier. It's just that guys are okay with telling their friends what they did, girls do not. Girls keeps it to themselves. So next time if u hear it from your guys friends that they masturbate dun Go Eeeee~~~. Come on behind that closed door of yours, u might be going Wild too.

Back to the topic so why guys fool around?

I'll say it's society at fault,
I'm saying is, it's their friends, their environment that made them who they are. If you're a person whom get influence easily, you'll blend into your surroundings. Same thing, if your environments is full of guys that fools around you'll think it's okay to fool around too, since your friends are doing it too. I'm not saying all guys are easily influenced, how about those people whom have strong beliefs and people whom stand their ground in what they believe. They will be the one making the change, the ones that influence others.

Another point to be made, the importance of Sex. Youths in our generation have taken sex to a whole new level, right now pornography could be access by any age with just a click. With curiosity how can anyone not seen pornography before? Once seen you would want to try it right? There comes the crave for their first time having sex.
Sex is like a drug, once u tried you would think it's okay for the second time. Without proper idea what sex is, u will get hooked and it's gameover! Right NOW many youths just Gamed over.

I told my mom this,


ken: When i get married i don't want a Fancy Diamond ring i wanna get a tattooed ring

Mom: WHY?!!! U crazy?

Ken: Whats wrong with getting a tattooed ring?

Mom: Everything!!! what would the girl's family say about it!!! that you're not capable of putting a ring on her hand

Ken: But if i get it tattooed ring, i know our rings will always be on our fingers, Even after death our rings will still be there. Even gravediggers dig up my bodies they cant steal my love for her.

Mom: What if your marriage didn't work out?

Ken: I'll know there was once a girl i loved so much i'm willing to die for, and that tattooed ring will be the prove of it

Once a man was walking along a beach. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. Off in the distance he could see a person going back and forth between the surf's edge and and the beach. Back and forth this person went. As the man approached, he could see that there were hundreds of starfish stranded on the sand as the result of the natural action of the tide.

The man was stuck by the the apparent futility of the task. There were far too many starfish. Many of them were sure to perish. As he approached, the person continued the task of picking up starfish one by one and throwing them into the surf.

As he came up to the person, he said: "You must be crazy. There are thousands of miles of beach covered with starfish. You can't possibly make a difference." The person looked at the man. He then stooped down and pick up one more starfish and threw it back into the ocean. He turned back to the man and said: "It sure made a difference to that one!"

What happens during these 26 nights that was never planned?

So whats with my craze about girls with tattoos? when a girl has a tattoo it just occurs to me that she's damn hot!!! I believe there's a reason for every tattoo. so what would be the reason for my first tattoo? Would i even get the chance to get one?

The first reason for my first tattoo. There's many ideas i have for my tattoos, i'm afraid of regretting it. So i guess i have to find the perfect tattoo for the perfect place. Where's the perfect place and perfect tattoo? i've seen many tattoos i loved.

tattoos to me is a form of Respect and believe

First tattoo i would like to dedicate it to my parents

Second tattoo i would like to dedicate to the love of my life

Third tattoo would to my Brothers...i truly believe the 5 of us will be brothers for life, i want u guys to know that I really hope there's something we could remember by. I remembered the time when we actually plan a logo for ourselves, i was actually quite serious about it. Now we came out of an idea to open a pub together, i was also serious about it. I wonder are u guys serious about it too?

Stand my ground, Nail my beliefs